Motherfucker of the Month: February
It’s kinda hard to top the ball-vice girl from last month. A few updates:
1: A friend of mine told me that he may have seen her walk into one of his classes. He now keeps his balls in check.
2: I still motherfucking hate her.
The motherfucker this month is someone who I have never met, though that doesn’t mean I can’t hate him.
Ryan Seacrest. Get out of my life. Get off of my TV, my radio, my internet. I hope American Idol dies the fieriest death possible for a TV show. I hope you die in the fire with it.
And you know what? The above paragraph would have given him a pass this month. There were a lot of motherfuckers this February who would have made the cut above Seacrest. I mean, let’s face it, before I saw the YouTube video below, Seacrest was just a lame cheap-ass singing version of Ty Pennington, right? Right?
But that was before he tried to high-five a blind dude. Think about that. All the power to the blind singer, though; it’s time Stevie Wonder had some competition in that sector.
Ryan, congratulations, you have been dubbed ‘Motherfucker of the Month: February’ over here at Things I Motherfucking Hate. Feel free to contact me and I’ll send you an e-trophy; it’s a little more prestigious than that MTV award for ‘Best Shaved Chest’ that you won in ‘06, or your unprecedented follow-up to that, the MTV award for ‘Lowest Sense of Self-Worth for a Faux-Celebrity with a Shaved Chest’ in ‘07.
Though you should probably save room at the top of your trophy cabinet for the Teen Choice award in 2007’s ‘Best Kiss’ category for the impressive and previously thought impossible feat of kissing your own ass. Seriously, I haven’t seen that much self-love and agenda-setting since the last Michael Moore film I saw. Now that’s saying something!