Things I Motherfucking Hate

I’d like to clear the air a bit here and say that I don’t think any of my friends have commented on a YouTube video. I’d like to think that I run in a pretty smart circle, where the smartest in my group is probably sitting at the MENSA level and the dumbest, well, we won’t go there. But it’s safe to say that none are on the same level as this:

I am not entirely sure that was English. What I can tell you is that the comment comes from a popular Hip-Hop video. That means that a 13 year old suburban girl managed to write that, because, for real, suburban 12-14 year old girls are the largest purchasers of Hip-Hop. Look it up.

I don’t really understand what that first sentence means, but I understand which words are being used and substituted for. The second line is also (unfortunately) readable but as soon as you get to line 3, well that’s just straight out of left field. Incomprehensible.

And as if these egregious spelling, grammar and well, ‘other issues’ weren’t enough, we have to deal with people like this:

I can get by without capitals, I can even understand that writing the word ‘to’ is a pretty difficult task and a ‘2′ should go in its place. But what is this kid even thinking by not putting any punctuation in? I don’t understand. I’m not even talking correct use of punctuation; I’m talking about putting commas in to break it up so I know where one sentence starts and another ends. Or, since half of this is garbage anyway, let me at least see where you pause to take a breath while reading.

Furthermore, as to the content that I can actually decipher, it seems that this guy (I’m guessing he is: white, male, 14-15, pube-stache and acne up to his glasses) has an inside perspective on the Notorious B.I.G.’s life. He says it here: “no 1 ever went into bigs life thats jus a narators perspective dumb shit” Is it just me or does that sound like he knows more than the movie? I know one thing for certain, 14 year olds from Brevard County, Florida (I’m guessing the 321 in his username is his area code, and am most definitely wrong) act a lot tougher on the internet behind the anonymity that is YouTube. You know how I know he isn’t gangasta? Gangstas don’t live near where they launch the space shuttle. You can take that to the bank.

As if it wasn’t enough that we have a Brevard County 14 year old and a suburban 13 year old posting on YouTube under assumed aliases, you have this:

And you all are going: “But Max! That sounds perfectly normal right there. thedunna07 even used punctuation, capitalization and spelled all words correctly!” You know what? That is all true. But anyone who says that the music video for Kanye West’s Flashing Lights is ‘very deep’ can be lumped in with the rest of those YouTube mouth breathers. Do you know what the video is? It is a fantastically large breasted woman who strips down to her underwear and then burns her clothes in the desert. I guess I’m not looking deep enough at that one. I’m submitting a guess here that thedunna07 is 12 years old, male, and just learned how to masturbate. ‘Deep’ is the new ‘I’m just reading Playboy for the articles.’

And before I sign off, as if the above three examples weren’t enough to convince you of my hatred for YouTube commenters, here is one more:

The poster’s screen name is ‘cakesniffer1′ which means that ‘cakesniffer’ was already taken. Who are these people? Does it matter though, because I would still motherfucking hate them.

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